Author: Kris Baker

I have nothing more to say tonight.

Goodnight, Moon.

Yesterday we went for a walk in the park…just me, Mr. Guy, and The Lady.

It was a nice day.  Not too hot and not too cold.  While we were walking on the paths, I kept seeing these funny looking little monsters running around on the ground and then all of the sudden they would walk right up the trunks of the trees.  I don’t think I have ever noticed these creatures before.  They were sort of furry like me, especially their tails.  I don’t have a furry tail, or any tail.  But these monsters tails were like my all-over fur.  They were brown, not blue and orange, and did not have horns.  But, they did have claws kind of like mine only smaller.  Well, all of these monsters were smaller than me; I guess that’s why their claws were smaller.  Mr. Guy and The Lady were busy talking about stuff so I didn’t interupt ask them about these crazy little critters.  I just watched them run around.

When I got home, I asked the canine if she had ever seen such a monster.  She knew all about these furry little brown monsters!  She said that they like to swing on the bird feeders and dump seeds all over the ground and that when all of the bird food is gone, they like to eat the cushions on the patio furniture.  No wonder these critters are crazy.  Their brains don’t seem to be nourished correctly.

The canine said that it is a lot of fun to chase these little monsters.  She sits outside all morning and watches them run up and down the trees and across the fences.  The canine also said that she really wants to catch one of them.  I’m not sure why that is so important to her and I was afraid to ask.  She told me that if the two of us worked together maybe we could catch one.  Maybe we could, but why do we want to?  Are they magic?  Maybe like leprechauns?  Does she want to adopt her own little furry monster like The Lady and Mr. Guy adopted me?

This morning, the canine asked me to go outside with her and watch for the little brown and furry monsters.  We watched and watched.  They were up in the trees.  Then they were in the garden.  Then they were on the roof.  Then they were running along the fence.  Then they were sitting right in the middle of the patio just a few feet from us.  

We didn’t catch one.

The canine told me to go stand guard at the fence.

When I got to the fence, they all disappeared up the tree.

The canine suggested that I climb up the tree after them.  Do I look like I can climb a tree?  Monkeys climb trees.  Not furry little blue and orange monsters.  The canine said it was time for furry little blue and orange monsters to learn a new skill.  I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I tried.

I was not successful.

I got stuck and Mr. Guy had to come rescue me.  The canine laughed at me.  

And the little brown monster laughed at me.

From now on, the canine is on her own with the furry little brown monsters.  They are no fun!  

And the canine isn’t much fun either.

It sure was nice having all of my people home this week.  It was weird…we didn’t do anything really special, but everything felt special because we all got to do all of the not special stuff together.  I hope that makes sense.

We did not have to wake up when it was still dark outside.  We got to sit on the patio and read the paper and do the puzzles together.  Mr. Guy and The Lady got to drink LOTS of coffee together.  I had my orange juice.  Everyone, except Mr. Guy,  knows that orange drinks taste so much better than brown drinks!

We went shopping.  The Lady got a strange new watch.  I think she got it because she needed someone like Mr. Guy’s Alexa friend to talk to.  The Lady’s new friend, who gets strapped to her arm, is named Siri.  I guess that’s no more strange than being named Blueper B.

I picked out a blue band for The Lady and I made Siri’s square face orange.  That will remind The Lady of me.  I would rather her think about and talk to me, a little blue and orange furry monster, than her new friend, Siri the watch, that gets to go everywhere with her.

We also worked a lot in the greenhouse.  I don’t know why Mr. Guy and The Lady call it the greenhouse.  It is not green.  It is white.  Well, most of it is not even white; it’s clear because it is glass.  The stuff inside of it is green, but not the house part.  The green stuff inside is the only green part.  Is the White House called the White House because the people inside are supposed to all be white?

I think our not green house should be called the fun house.  I had fun watering the plants and digging in the dirt and looking at all of the colors, green and lots of others.  We go out to the fun house at least two times every day because the plants and flowers need a drink.  They don’t drink orange or brown stuff.  Their drink is the same color as their house – clear!  Do they drink white drinks in the White house?  Maybe vanilla milkshakes?

Even though The Lady did no have to go to work this week, she did have to go practice singing.  Mr. Guy and I had guy bonding time while she sang.  We played games on Mr. Guy’s phone while we waited for The Lady to be done.

The next day, The Lady and I made muffins.  Mostly she made them and I ate them.  I liked the muffins a lot because they had orange food in them.  Well not orange food like an orange that grows on a tree; a different orange food.  It was called carrot.  I liked it a lot!

Today I got to go with Mr. Guy to a Farmers Market.  I didn’t know why we were going to that place.  We are not farmers.  Even though Mr. Guy grows stuff in his fun house, I don’t think he is a farmer.  Farmers have cows and tractors.  We don’t have wither of those things.  He told me he had to go because he was bored at the library.  Hmm…so if you don’t like to read books, they turn you into a farmer?  I’m glad I like books.  I don’t think Id like being a farmer.

We went to this market and he was telling all the people he saw about how much fun the library is and all about the cool stuff you can do there.  This didn’t seem right.  He was bored yet he was telling all the other people how fun the library is?  Was Mr. Guy telling lies to all of the farmers at the market?  

I wasn’t going to say anything about this to him, but finally I had to.  I asked him why he was telling people that the library was fun when he was bored there.  He told me that he was not bored; he was on the B-O-A-R-D.   He likes the library a lot.  His kind of board is for people who want to make the library an even more fun place.  He said that all of the farmers could come.  In fact, he told everyone he met at the market that they could come to his library.

I sure am glad that we got that cleared up!  I was afraid that I wouldn’t get to go to the library and get new books anymore!  Then I would be bored!

Now I am looking forward to the rest of our summer vacation together!

Offspring No. 1 likes books a lot!  She tried to share some of her books with me, but I don’t understand them.  They are called science friction and they have great big words that this little blue and orange furry monster does not know.  Since I can’t read those books, she showed me in our library where the books for little monsters are.  

She thought I might like some by a doctor who sues people.  I don’t know why she thought that.  And anyway, I didn’t think doctors sued people.  I thought lawyers sued doctors.  Maybe these books are science friction for little monsters.  There science could be the doctor part and the friction the lawyer part.  I still wasn’t sure I would like these stories, but Offspring No. 1 said that she liked them when she was little like me.

When I opened the book, the words were not too hard for me.  I was surprised by that and also that  there were no words about doctors or lawyers.  The book was about an elephant and specks of dust.  Hmmm…I guess that is kind of about science – zoology and dustology.  And there was a little friction between the elephant and a monkey and a kangaroo.  But no one ever got sued.  The book ended with everyone living happily ever after.  I don’t think people are happy after they get sued.

My favorite part of the book is when the elephant says, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”  I think that means monsters too.  

I hope Offspring No. 1 doesn’t tell Mr. Guy and The Lady that I was reading when I was supposed to be in bed asleep.  The Offspring said it would probably be okay if they found out.  When she was little she used to stay up late reading books too.  Since Mr. Guy and The Lady like books too so I probably wouldn’t get in trouble if they knew I snuck out of bed to read a book.  It would be different if I was playing with Lego or watching HGTV.  Then I would be in trouble.

I spent a happy weekend with my family, all of them, the two-legged ones, the four-legged ones, the furry ones and the bald ones.  I love all of my people and monsters!  I’m really happy that The Lady is my mom – even if I do have to share her with lots of others!  I think she has enough love for us all.  I also think that she got lots of practice being a mom with the Offsprings.  By the time I got here, they were all grown up and she was an expert mom.  I don’t know if The Offsprings would agree with me on that, though.

Isn’t it funny that even though it was Mother’s Day, we have a photo with Mr. Guy, me, and the four-legged monsters.  That is because The Lady says that she would much rather be behind the camera than in front of it.

My family and I wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day!  This means all mothers!  Those of offspring, those of furry little blue and orange monsters, those of four-legged furry babies, and all those that have given of themselves to be a mother figure in the life of someone else.

The Lady has a flat square box that she stands on sometimes.  Some days she smiles when she looks at it and some days she doesn’t.  The Lady told me that this flat square box tells her how much her wait is.  I’m not quite sure what she is waiting for.  Maybe Christmas.  Maybe breakfast.  Maybe for the Amazon guy to deliver something.  Maybe for a trip.  She could be waiting for lots of things.  

What I wonder is how the box knows for which of those things it is supposed to tell her her wait.  

She doesn’t talk to the square box like Mr. Guy does his cylinder box in the kitchen.  The cylinder box even has a name, Alexa.  Mr. Guy really likes talking to his cylinder box.  And it likes talking to him too.  It tells him all kinds of stuff like jokes and what is going on in the news.  Mr. Guy says that sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between jokes and the news.  He can ask his friend Alexa, the cylinder box, how long he has to wait for Christmas.  Or how long his food has to cook.  And it knows.  The Lady’s square box is not not as friendly or as smart as Mr. Guy’s cylinder box.

This furry little blue and orange monster would rather talk to friends than either a flat box or cylinder box.  I prefer to just ask Mr. Guy or The Lady how long I have to wait for stuff.

And as of today,  school is officially over for The Lady!   Tonight was graduation at her school.  That where her students go when they are all done with reading school books.  The clothes that she has to wear when she goes to graduation are funny looking, especially the hat.  Why does anyone want to wear a square on their head?  I definitely don’t want to.   That square hat doesn’t fit over my horns at all.  And that pink and green thing around her neck…I like that even less than the funny square hat.  Orange and blue are so much prettier than pink and green!  The Lady told me that she has to wear those colors…something about all of the school books with dots and lines that she read and the school she went to when she was reading them.  That’s too bad for her.  She should have picked different books or a different school or maybe both!

The good part of all of this is that it is now summer vacation time at our house!  We’ll see what kind of books we find to read now.  Maybe there are some about furry little monsters like me.  Hopefully whatever books I read won’t make me have to wear funny looking clothes when I am done!

The Lady is in her final week.  No wait…that sounds bad…in her FINALS week, her last week of school and she is very busy and sleepy and kind of grouchy…but don’t tell her I said that.  Last night she didn’t have time to help me write because she had to scribble in purple ink all over a bunch of papers.  They were not very pretty when she was done.  I think the papers might have looked better if she had used blue and orange ink to color on them.

Last night before we had dinner, we did go outside to look at the garden.  There was a tree with some new flowers on it.  The flowers were great big and had Christmas lights in them.  Don’t they look light Christmas lights in the middle?

The Lady said that it is not a Christmas light; those are parts of the flower called stick-mans and stay-mans.  Those names don’t make any senseto me, but I think that’s what she said.  They sure look more like Christmas lights than they do any kind of man – stick or staying.  Maybe they are stick-mans and stay-mans because these flowers are called Man-gos.  But wait if it’s Man-gos, why do they have stay-mans?  And does the stick-man stay or go?  I’m so confused.

Hold on a minute while I go ask The Lady to explain all of this to me…

I now know more about these Christmas light flowers than I ever wanted to.  They are called MAGNOLIAS, not man-gos.  And the Christmas light part is stigmas and stamen.  I’m still confused, but at least now I don’t have to worry about stick men coming and going.