Author: Kris Baker

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A Month of Me – Day 26

Usually the first thing that Mr. Guy does when he gets home from school is checks for the mail.  The second thing he does is put the mail in the recycling bin.  This happens every day.   I don’t know why the mailman keeps bringing the recycling back after Mr. Guy puts it in the big blue bin.  Maybe Mr. Guy needs to color over his address on his recycling so the mailman doesn’t know where to deliver it.

Today Mr. Guy asked if I wanted to go with him to check the mail.  I opened the mailbox and there it was again…all of that recycling.  Mr. guy said that I should look carefully before I just put everything in the big blue bin.  

On the bottom of the stack was a puffy white plastic envelope with green letters.

It said, “It’s here!”  I asked Mr. Guy what was here.  He told me to look at the name on the envelope.  It was for me!  I got mail!  I had no idea what it was.  Then I remembered that a few days ago Mr. Guy told me that he had ordered me a present.  I had already forgotten that so I was super surprised that the envelope was a present for me!


I asked Mr. Guy if it was OK to open it right now.  He said, “Sure!”  I stood right there at the mail box and tore open the envelope.  

“It’s a brand new shirt!!!  And it’s blue!  And it has lots of other colors too!”

Mr. Guy said that he ordered it for me last week after The Lady had frosted my claws and then the colors crashed with my fur and my shirts.  He thought this one would match almost any color that my claws might be.  I like all of the different colors, but I wasn’t sure about the design.  It has all those different colors of pizza where the pieces are not cut evenly.  Someone is going to get a great big piece and someone else is going to get a little tiny piece.  They seemed like very unfair pizzas to me.  

Mr. Guy explained that they are not unfair pizzas, but rather, they are peace signs.  I know what peace is, sort of, but I don’t think I have seen a peace sign.  I have only seen Stop signs and Stop signs are fair signs.  All of their pieces are equal.  I would think that a peace sign would have equal pieces.  Hey…those two peace/piece words sound the same but their letters are different.   I am glad that The Lady helped me use the right letters in the right words.

Mr. Guy and The Lady tried to explain to me why this shape is called a peace sign.  It involved a lot of history going back to 1958.  That is a long time ago!!!  Mr. Guy said it was not THAT long ago, only 58 years.  He told me that he has one more year of history than the peace sign.  Anyway, I didn’t understand most of the history stuff they were telling me.  All I need to know is that this sign is now a symbol of piece peace.  It means good things.

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A Month of Me – Day 25

Today was a special day for a couple of reasons.  First,  Mr. Guy said that he and lots of people other than me were wearing orange shirts today for a special reason.  He told me that there are many places in the world where women and girls are treated very badly. Sometimes they are even beaten! I told him that I think treating women and girls like this is terrible! I can’t believe it. I can never see Mr Guy hitting The Lady, or Offspring 1 or 2, or the girl four-legged monsters at our house, or any other girls.  And if he ever wanted to hurt any of them,  I wouldn’t let him!  I know that that would never happen in our family, but that is not true in other places.

Mr Guy explained to me that the United Nations set up a group called “Just Say NO” where people could get information about how to help  stop these terrible things from happening. (http://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/take-action/say-no)


On that day everyone wears orange to show that they do not like violence against women and girls. So Mr Guy and I wore our orange shirts all day long to show that we do not think anyone should be violent with women, or anyone else for that matter. I don’t understand why anyone wants to hurt someone else.  We should all be kind to each other!

The second reason that today was special is because I got to go visit Mr. Guy at school.  He usually teaches about computers, but now he is a school librarian until he retires.  I like his old classroom with all of the computers, but I like the library better.  It has lots and lots of books!


Mr. Guy showed me the great big dictionary.  It is a book that has lots and lots of words but it doesn’t tell a whole story.  It just tells the story of all the words.  Sometimes I get my words confused.  Mr. Guy said that the dictionary will help me to figure out how to use words correctly and it will also help me to learn new words.  


A dictionary is advantageous if an individual wishes to ameliorate and optimize his proficiencies regarding the avoidance of improper and erroneous locutions.

Using the dictionary is a lot of work for a blue and orange furry monster!

Mr. Guy also showed me another big book called an atlas.  It didn’t have as many words as the dictionary.  It had pictures of places all over the world.  Mr. Guy told me that there are seven continents in the world.  I asked what a continent was.  He told me to go look it up in the dictionary.

“A continent is any of the world’s main continuous expanses of land (Africa, Antarctica, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America, South America).”

We live in North America.  Mr. Guy told me today that this summer we are going to visit another continent.  We are going to England, which is on the continent called Europe.  


This is all too much for my little monster brain.  No wonder Mr. Guy and The Lady are always so tired when they get home from school.  All of this learning stuff overburdens my the capacity of my cerebral function.

After all of this new stuff, I just wanted to find a comfortable cathedra in which to read a gratuitous periodical.


Get me away from this dictionary!!!

Finally I had to just go sit in Mr. Guy’s lap and let my brain rest.  I always like it best when Mr. Guy holds me and I can be his little monster and he can be the smart one.




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A Month of Me – Day 23

Mr. Guy and The Lady were not home for dinner tonight because they had to go to a special dinner.  Mr. Guy told me that he is retiring from school and it was a celebration dinner.  Why are they celebrating Mr. Guy being tired again?  The Lady and Mr. Guy are always talking about how tired they are like it is a bad thing.  And just when summer is coming and they will get some rest Mr. Guy is going to get retired?  Sometimes grown-ups just don’t make any sense!

When Mr. Guy got home I noticed that he had a big fat red string around his neck.  

No wonder he is tired!  He is not getting any air with that string tied around his neck.  Oh wait!  Maybe he said retied, not retired.  They were celebrating that he was having a big fat red string tied on his neck.  Hmmm…that doesn’t sound like any reason to celebrate either.  I was still confused!  Finally I just asked Mr. Guy what was going on.

Mr. Guy explained that retired means that he is not going to go to school anymore after two more weeks.  He is going to stay at home with me and the four-legged monsters and take care of us while The Lady goes to school.  He told me that he is going to be a stay at home monster dad.  Suddenly everything started sounding better!  Mr. Guy said that we would read books together and work in the garden and go to the park and go shopping and maybe even sleep late.  He said that The Lady would probably want us to do some things that weren’t so fun, like laundry and dusting, but that there should still be lots of time for us to do fun stuff together.  He said that there may also be days that we might even get to go have lunch with The Lady at school.   Now I get it.  The Lady will still go to school and she will be tired, not retired.

That still didn’t explain the fat string around his neck.  Mr. Guy said that it is called a neck tie and that it is kind of like a decoration that makes men look fancy and grown up.  Mr. Guy usually wears t-shirts like me and I think they look just fine.  I don’t think I want to look fancy and grown up if it means I have to wear a fat string neck tie.  I want to be able to breathe the fresh air!  Mr. Guy said it wasn’t so bad; he let me try on his tie. 

The red clashes with my fur!  Mr. Guy said that he has an orange and blue tie that would match my fur if I ever need to wear a neck tie.  I hope I don’t ever have to be that grown up!  Mr. Guy said that one of the best things about being retired is that he can wear his t-shirts every single day!  I think I might like to skip working a just go from being a little blue and orange furry monster right to be a retired monster!

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A Month of Me – Day 22

Sundays are usually uneventful days at our house, at least for me.  The Lady usually sings at church and then when Mr. Guy and The Lady get home they get ready for the next week by going grocery shopping and getting ready for school.  Now that The Lady is done with school for the summer, things are a little different.  The grocery shopping doesn’t have to be done on Sunday and Mr. Guy and The Lady can do other stuff after church.  Today Mr. Guy went shopping, but not for food.  He decided that he needed a new chair for his desk.  He is going to give his old one to The Lady for her office at school.

Mr. Guy went to the office supply store to get his chair.  I thought they would give him a chair that was all ready for him to sit in.  Nope!  They gave him a chair kit.  

It was kind of like Lego.  If you followed all of the directions you’d end up with a chair.  If you don’t follow the directions, you’d end up with a wheelbarrow, or a windmill, or a piece of yard art.  I was kind of worried that Mr. Guy would end up with something other than the chair that he needed.  He’s not the best at putting things together; so, I decided that I should help him.  Mr. Guy thought that he should put his chair together outside so that we didn’t have to carry the big box in to the house.  I thought that was good decision because if we put it together inside and then ended up with a wheelbarrow or a windmill or a piece of yard art, we’d just have to carry it back outside.  

We opened the box and found the instructions.  I got a little worried.  We really don’t need any yard art!


This chair kit came with its own tools.  


And wheels.

And finally something that looked like part of a chair, or maybe a wheelbarrow.


The Lady did not stay outside with us.  She knows that Mr. Guy gets grouchy when he has to put stuff together.  He never plays with us when we play with Lego!  Just in case Mr. Guy’s windmill wheelbarrow chair spun out of control, I had a nice safe place to seek cover.


The first piece that Mr. Guy needed was the propeller.  I don’t know why his chair has a propeller.


Maybe it is so you can have a wind powered wheelbarrow.  That would make the yard work much easier!

So far, so good…


—until Mr. Guy started snacking on the parts of his kit.  If he eats that screw, the propeller is going to fall off of the wheelbarrow or his chair is going to collapse.  Either way, things will not be good!  I decided that I needed to help keep track of all of the pieces.

I quickly learned to be a quiet little blue and orange furry monster and stay out of the way and not say too much to Mr. Guy while he was concentrating on putting together his kit.  


I am very happy to report that in the end, perhaps with some divine intervention, Mr. Guy ended up with a chair…not a windmill or yard art or a wheelbarrow.  I was very brave and I sat in his new chair with him…and double checked the instructions to make sure that Mr. Guy didn’t have any screws missing.  All is well.


We rolled his chair inside to his desk and we all lived happily ever after.

The end.

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A Month of Me – Day 21

I didn’t get a new shirt, but Mr. Guy got a new orange T-shirt.  I like The Lady…I like The Lady a lot, but why didn’t Mr. Guy get an orange T-shirt that says, “I’M A PROUD GUY OF A FREAKING AWESOME BLUE AND ORANGE FURRY MONSTER.” ???

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A Month of Me – Day 20

When Mr. Guy got home from school today he told me that he had ordered a present for me and that it would come in the mail.  Before he could finish what he was saying, I went running out to the mailbox.  A long time ago I got a present in the mail from Ms. Michele.  It had lots of fun stuff in it!  And last summer I got a basket in the mail that a lady in North Carolina made for me.  I like to get mail!!!  

When I got to the mailbox, there was nothing there.  I was very disappointed.  Why would Mr. Guy tell me there was a present in the mail and there was nothing?  He came out to the mailbox too.  When he saw that I was sad because there was no present for me, he explained that he had not finished what he was saying.  He told me that he had ordered my present and it would come in the mail next week.  I didn’t hear that part.  Well really, I didn’t listen.  The Lady  always tells me that it is very important to listen to ALL the words.  I didn’t do that.  If I had listened to all of Mr. Guy’s words, I wouldn’t have run to the mailbox and been disappointed.

Mr. Guy has an app on his phone that will tell him exactly what day my present will be delivered.  And then he will tell me.  The next time I run to the mailbox, I will not be disappointed!

Oh, and I don’t have colored claws anymore.

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A Month of Me – Day 19

It’s been a whole day and now I am not sure about these colored claws!  I looked in my closet for something that matched them and I don’t have shirts with this many colors on them!  I’m not even sure that I like all of these colors.  I think I miss my orange claws.  I think that tomorrow I might ask The Lady to take this claw icing off.  I didn’t know that I wouldn’t like colored claws until I tried them.

Tonight Mr. Guy and I went to the grocery store without The Lady.  I told him that I wasn’t sure about my colored claws and that I was going to ask The Lady to make them just orange again.  I wanted to know if he thought she would get mad at me for wasting all of her drippy stuff.  He said that he was sure that The Lady would understand.  Mr. Guy said that sometimes you have to try something to know whether you will like it or not like it – kind of like Brussels sprouts.  They are funny looking but they taste good.  It is OK if you try something and then decide that you don’t like it.  I’m glad that The Lady won’t be unhappy with me.

While we were walking through the grocery store, past the bananas and Brussels sprouts, I saw these pretty flowers.  I noticed that they were almost the same colors as my claws.  I asked Mr. Guy if we could get some flowers for The Lady.  She likes flowers a lot and Mr. Guy always gets her some when he goes to the grocery store by himself.  He said that flowers would make her smile.  

I want to make her smile because that means that I have been awesome today!  

I am sure that I like all the colors better when they are on flowers and not on me!

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A Month of Me – Day 18

Today I watched The Lady decorate her claws.  It was very interesting.  First she dripped shiny stuff all over them.  Then she smeared it around with a soft little stick.  It looked kind of like putting icing on a cupcake except that her claws are much smaller and the shiny stuff didn’t small as good as frosting.  But, when she was done, her claws looked pretty, just like decorated cupcakes.  I asked her if she could decorate my claws too.

The Lady said that if I wanted to have decorated claw, she would be glad to do it for me.  She asked me what color I wanted.  I told her that I wanted orange frosting on my claws.  She said, “But you already have orange claws.”  I said, “Well, you already have pink claws and you just decorated yours with pink shiny stuff.  I want my claws to be shiny orange!”  She said, “Point made.” and agreed to the orange.

We had one little problem.  My claws are great big compared to The Lady’s.  It took a whole bottle of the shiny, drippy, frosting stuff to cover just one of my claws.  That meant we had to have eight bottles of orange!  I have four claws and two hands.  The Lady only had one bottle of orange decorating stuff.  That made me sad.  I didn’t want just one shiny claw.  I wanted eight shiny claws!  The Lady asked how I would feel about having a different color on each of my claws.  I thought about and decided that that would be fun.  So that’s what we did.

I like the colors on my claws, but I sure didn’t like having to sit still and wait for the drippy stuff to not be drippy and sticky anymore.  I was a happy blue and orange…and yellow and pink and green, monster once I could finally get up and play.

The Lady said that sometimes people decorate their claws to match their clothes.  I will have to look in my closet and see if I have a yellow and pink and green and orange shirt that matches my new shiny claws!

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A Month of Me – Day 17


I got a new pillow case for my bed.  I like the orange, but I was a little scared of the words…be awesome today.  That is the first thing I see every morning when I wake up.  That means that today is every day and I have to be awesome every day.  I don’t know if I can do that!  I told The Lady that I was worried about being awesome every day.  She said that was not something that I needed to be concerned about.

The Lady said that all I have to do to be awesome is be myself.  She said that being nice to people makes me awesome.  Smiling makes me awesome.  She said that showing love and respect to everyone I meet makes me awesome.  Is that all?  I can do that!  I already do all of those things!  I like to be nice and I like to smile and I always show love and respect for the people I meet.  Now I’m not scared by my new pillow case.  Phew!   I can get a good night’s sleep so that I can wake up tomorrow and be as awesome as possible!