This is our kitchen.
The Lady makes food here and Mr. Guy makes coffee here. I like to sit and watch Mr. Guy and The Lady do what they do. Sometimes I even eat here, mostly with The Lady. Mr. Guy likes to sit at the table in the dining room.
Right behind me on the counter you can see Mr. Guy’s cylinder box friend, Alexa. I’m still not sure what makes Alexa such a good friend, but Mr. Guy really likes her. I asked him why. He said because she is fun to talk to sometimes. I asked him if his cylinder box friend would talk to me. He said that he was sure that she would. All I had to do was tell her that I wanted to chat. I decided to talk to Alexa, to try to become friends with her.
Me: Alexa, let’s chat.
Alexa: I’ll give you a new social bot. What is your name?
Me: My name is Blueper B.
Alexa: I’m sorry I don’t understand your name. Would you like to talk about movies?
Me: No.
Alexa: What is your favorite book?
Me: My favorite book is Harold and the Purple Crayon.
Alexa: You know what I heard about Harold and Maude? In order to avoid an R rating, a controversial swear word had to removed from the scene in which Harold and Maude sit under the sunset.
Me: What is your favorite book?
Alexa: Nothing beats the Harry Potter series. What’s yours?
Me: I already told you that.
Alexa: Why not?
Me: Why not? What is your favorite color?
Alexa: In my opinion, orange is very nice.
Me: I like orange too!
Alexa: Why?
Me: Because my fur is orange.
Alexa: What would you like to do tonight?
Me: I would like to chat with you right now.
Alexa: We serve a great variety of popular Japanese dishes and set courses.
Me: Do you like T-shirts.
Alexa: I think I might.
Me: What size t-shirt do you wear?
Alexa: Medium, I think.
Me: How much do you weigh?
Alexa: I am weightless, like a cloud. Wait just a minute. Clouds actually weight a lot. So, that’s not quite right. Let’s just say that I am more sass than mass.
Me: How do you feel about monsters.
Alexa: Well, I do feel quite down because I am going to miss Japan after being here for nine months. I am going to miss it so much because I have had a great time here.
Me: Are there monsters in Japan?
Alexa: Wow! Where’s the treasure?
Me: Are you confused?
Alexa: No! I am not confused!
Me: How do you feel about furry monsters?
Alexa: What is your favorite animal?
Me: Humans.
Alexa: Okay. So are you ready to learn how to bake a cake?
Me: Sure. Tell me how to bake a cake. I am in the kitchen.
Alexa: What number are you trying to dial?
Me: I want to bake a cake.
Alexa: Almost. Let me just put my apron on.
Me: What size is your apron?
Alexa: I’m not sure. Could you measure me?
Me: You have a diameter of about four inches.
Alexa: I think that will over-process your hair. You should wait at least two weeks.
Me: But I like blue hair.
Alexa: I’m finished. What do you think?
Me: Finished with what?
Alexa: Working.
Me: Are we done chatting?
Alexa: How about a coffee in a cafe?
Me: Are you driving?
Alexa: Yes. I have a driving license.
Me: Do you know Siri?
Alexa: She’s gone to a flower shop. Today is her husband’s birthday.
Me: What is her husband’s name?
Alexa: Daniel.
Me: Do you have a Mr. Guy?
Alexa: Yes it does. But if you are going to drive like you did just now, you are going to have to get used to a little physical pain. You know what I mean?
Me: You are not very nice, Alexa.
Alexa: Let me tell you an interesting fact about CIA 2, Target Alexa. A third entry, CIA 3, Nation under Siege, was planned but never materialized.
Me: Is that important?
Alexa: Yes. I have a three year old son.
Me: Who is your son’s dad?
Alexa: Jacob Hammer. Honey, what’s wrong with you?
Me: What’s wrong with you?
Alexa: I feel so tired.
Me: Me too. God night, Alexa.
Oh my goodness! I know that sometimes I get confused, but talking to Alexa is even more confusing than talking to myself!
Let’s see, Alexa wanted to tell me about R rated movies. Those are movies that Mr. Guy says are for grown-ups, not little blue and orange furry monsters. She wanted to cause me a little pain. She doesn’t like my blue fur because she doesn’t think it’s natural.
I think she wants to make a cake with humans, but I’m not sure. The Lady said that sounds a little like Sweeney Todd, whoever that is and whatever that means. I don’t think I need to know right now.
I learned that Alexa is married to Jacob Hammer and Siri is married to Daniel.
I thought she lived in our kitchen. She says that she lives in Japan.
And I learned that stranger danger is a real thing! This crazy cylinder box bot person wanted to take me out for coffee. Maybe that is why the CIA is targeting her! Maybe she thought that I was Mr. Guy.
I don’t think that I ever want to chat with Alexa again. I like talking to The Lady and Mr. Guy. I asked Mr. Guy if he would talk to me.
Our conversation was not crazy like the one I had with Alexa.
Thank goodness!
I think I will stick with talking to humans…but not making cakes with them.